Posted by
Jon Brandon on Tuesday, May 05, 2009 11:44:44 AM
As the annoying hysteria over swine flu fades away, maybe we Republicans can begin to focus on a much deadlier strain, one that really does stand a chance of becoming a pandemic--at least if I have anything to do with it. I'm talking, of course, about the RINO flu, which recently claimed its most prominent victim, Senator Arlen Specter of Pennsylvania. Specter contracted this dread ailment because he did not heed the advice of our beloved vice president, Joe Biden, who counseled us to steer clear of confined places like subways, airplanes, and big tents. The part about big tents was ommitted from press accounts of Biden's comments, which is unfortunate, since many Republicans are inexplicably attracted to big tents--perhaps because the symbol of the GOP is an elephant, and it is common knowledge that every big tent contains at least one elephant. Anyway, it's common knowledge here in Sarasota, Florida, otherwise known as Circus City, USA, where we are very familiar with big tents. Republicans should keep in mind, however, that big tents rarely contain RINOS. Unlike elephants, RINOs are difficult to train, possess large, deadly horns, and have a habit of attacking hapless members of the audience, otherwise known as the Republican base. Furthermore, as any child is aware who has read the Babar books, elephants and RINOs do not get along at all. Elephants are good and kind and fiscally responsible, RINOs are wicked (see here, for example). Happily, King Babar proved that RINOs are also stupid and easily frightened off with a little ingenuity on the part of clever elephants. You just have to make them think you're bigger than you actually are. All you need is a little paint, and the right perspective.